What shifted when COVID hit me
Updated: Nov 26, 2020
It’s Saturday morning. I’ve just woken up. I feel tired. All my muscles ache. I tell my husband “I wish I could have a massage, my mid-back is killing me”.
Two days later, I’m in bed with a temperature and a funny sensation in my chest.The adventure begins…
PHASE 1 - DENIAL
The idea of having COVID doesn’t even cross my mind, I’m in total denial. “It's just a flu” I tell myself and my family. Then, I start doing what I usually do when I feel lost...planning. I plan HARD. I plan EVERYTHING. Who will substitute me teaching yoga, when I’ll get better, which work meetings I should postpone, etc...Control is where my subconscious mind goes to find comfort, safety and certainty.
PHASE 2 - SURRENDER
It’s Saturday morning (again). One week in bed and I still feel poorly and this pressure in my chest doesn’t really improve, it’s really bothering me. I put a few drops of essential oil on my chest and I don’t smell anything. I put some more, nothing. I go to the bathroom and I open the little tiger balm jar, nothing. I feel a huge weight on my head and shoulders. I know. I got COVID. My need to control suddenly disintegrates in thousand little pieces. The Universe has made very clear I have to surrender.
PHASE 3 - PANIC
That night, I didn’t sleep. At all. I woke up around 3am and I started experiencing a level of worry I’ve never felt before. My mind started travelling in horrible places. So I stood up and shook my whole body out. I made myself a cup of herbal tea and tried to meditate. I couldn’t stay still. So I shook some more and I started talking to myself for the rest of the night: “Let the thoughts be what they want to be. I’m calm and relaxed”.
PHASE 4 - PROMISE
The following day I was still shaken by the recent developments but I knew the worst was gone. So I made a promise to myself. I committed to take care of myself, really. The type of care that goes beyond the green smoothies and the spirulina. The promise is:
To honour this beautiful body of mine who is still fighting 24/7 to bring me back to health
To talk to myself with kindness and compassion, every day
To put my needs in front of what what other people might think
So this is the invitation for YOU. Look at yourself in the mirror. Look at your beautiful eyes, look closely. See all the shades of colours, perhaps the dots in your magnificent eyes and tell yourself “I love YOU”. If you find it too hard you can start with “I’m willing to love YOU”. Repeat daily.
The only one who can give you what you really need is YOURSELF. Love yourself, will ya?
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading till here.
Until next time,
Be WILD. Be YOU.